Open Strong- sixfortyfive645

Everyone perpetuates rape culture. The culture is so ingrained in our environment, which has forced it to mistakenly evolve into a normal way of thinking. In order to fix this error made by history, a conversation of rape culture must be implemented to improve ideals, protect victims’ rights, and prevent people from becoming rapists. This conversation is one that must be had, despite the resistance of stubborn, close-minded individuals, as well as those who have become victim of rape culture.

This entry was posted in E12: How to Open, sixfortyfive645. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Open Strong- sixfortyfive645

  1. davidbdale says:

    sixfortyfive645, you’ve tried to open your essay about rape culture without explaining, even briefly, what the phrase means. It may be too complex to describe in a paragraph, but a very few words can help acclimate your readers immediately. I suggest “the attitude that men are entitled to women’s bodies.”

    As directly as you make some of your claims, you appear to be straining for an academic effect for others. “forced it to mistakenly evolve into a normal way of thinking” and “conversation of rape culture must be implemented to improve ideals” are examples.

    Striking a balance between pop culture language and academic language is not easy, but when in doubt, try the most direct available language that isn’t slang.

    See if the following does what it should.

    Everyone perpetuates rape culture. [The attitude that men are entitled to women’s bodies] is so [pervasive] in our environment that it seems normal. To fix this error made by history, [we need to talk bravely about] rape from [the victims’ point of view.] Stubborn, closed-minded individuals will resist this conversation–as will some traumatized victims–[but their reluctance stands between our current national psychosis] and victims’ rights. [We’ll never] prevent people from becoming rapists [if we refuse to talk about the problem].

    You have the thinking and argument skills to produce among the best work I will see from this class this semester, twofoursix. The difference between the grade you would accept and the one you probably want will be your ability to write fluently on your topic, not so casual that readers don’t respect you, not so abstract that they can’t understand you.

    We aren’t certified psychologists, twofoursix, so when we expose the psychological cause of a comedian’s genius, our only credibility is the authority of our voices. We need to persuade our readers of the fundamental truth of our theses with clear and compelling language, not jargon, not academic-speak.

    Helpful?
    Reply, please.

    Like

  2. sixfortyfive645 says:

    That is very helpful, thank you! I’ll make the changes.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s