open strong- haveanelephantasticday

Rape victims are always raped twice. First they are physically raped, then they are raped emotionally by the justice system and society. After experiencing the devastation of rape, victims often confide in an authority in hopes that their grievance will be addressed and their attacker be punished. Instead of being relieved by the actions of the justice system, victims are shamed and blamed for being victims. After going through such a traumatic experience, victims are scared and often feel alone. Help and answers are often sought after but instead victims receive ridicule. The long term effects of emotional rape surpass the physical action, causing depression, anxiety, and a lack of self worth.

About Dev

I'm short and awkward and I love America more than any 20 year old girl should.
This entry was posted in E12: How to Open, haveanelephantasticday. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to open strong- haveanelephantasticday

  1. haveanelephantasticday says:

    feedback was requested.

    Feedback provided.
    —DSH

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    Hello again, elephantastic. How was Thanksgiving?

    This is very strong material, well handled. It’s balanced and logical. It covers the needed ground. If I have a quibble—and I always do—it’s that reading the paragraph feels like riding a seesaw. Every sentence rocks up and down on a pivot.

    LEFT
    Rape victims are raped twice
    RIGHT
    physically raped, then emotionally raped
    LEFT
    They experience the devastation of rape
    RIGHT
    but they get no redress for their grievance
    LEFT
    Instead of justice
    RIGHT
    they are shamed and blamed
    LEFT
    They undergo the trauma
    RIGHT
    but they’re scared and alone
    LEFT
    They look for answers
    RIGHT
    but receive ridicule instead

    Such patterns aren’t necessarily recognized by readers, but they do affect the reading. Unless you deliberately created this pattern for a purpose, you might want to make some alterations that improve the flow of the logic.

    Worth considering or have you had enough of these very close readings?

    Reply, please.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s