A09: Rebuttal Argument – bj112295

A number of African-American women continue to damage  their hair more and more each year. Author and physician Loren Pickart speaks on the damaging affects and loss of hair in her article “The Truth About Hair Relaxers.” Pickart states relaxing hair seems to be the talk of the party in the African American women’s community; although this product damages their hair with all the chemicals it contains, they continue to use it and sell it in stores. Black women want to be apart of society so much that they rather damage their hair and change their looks to fit into the European style than just be themselves.

The idea of relaxer seems very counter intuitive, this is a whole race of beautiful different shades of women varying from mahogany to dark chocolate, that has fought almost 300 years for freedom and equality to be who they are, and not to be looked at as different. Now they have invented a product so that they fit the standard look of their past oppressors. It is confusing and ridiculous to me. A lot of black women could have long beautiful hair, curls of gold , but they continue to treat their hair with relaxer which in the end damages the hair follicle completely. The FDA clearly lists the dangers of hair relaxers and people still use them. Relaxer contains sodium hydroxide the most prominent chemical used in this product. This chemical is found in drain cleaners, so why use this chemical toxin? The strength of the product is clear now yet using drain cleaner chemicals does not deter African-American women from continuing to damage their hair. The pH factor in relaxers is 10-14; the stronger the pH the faster and longer black hair stays straight, resulting in deepening the damage to the scalp. The chemical penetrates the cortex or cortical layer and loosens the natural curl pattern.This inner layer of the hair shaft is not only what gives curly hair its shape but provides strength and elasticity. Once this process is performed it is irreversible.This process which produces the desired effect of “straighter” hair at the same time leaves hair weak and extremely susceptible to breaking and further damage.One must keep in mind that relaxers do not help the hair, but actually strip it. Seeing the dangers of using relaxer,  African american women ignore the damage just to fit the european standard and they can feel beautiful. Follow these steps for those who continue to treat hair with relaxer, and less damage may be caused  1. A protective base is applied 2. Relaxer is neutralized 3. Conditioning treatments are vital. Many women are against using relaxer products in present times because of the dangerous chemicals they contain and the damage it does to the hair and they are more aware of the dangers, not using relaxer leads to a safer route and stronger, healthier hair.

Pickart, Loren. “What You Need to Know About Chemical Hair Relaxers.”The Truth About Hair Relaxers. Real Published Science, n.d. Web. 11 Nov. 2015.

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2 Responses to A09: Rebuttal Argument – bj112295

  1. bj112295 says:

    Priority feedback was requested.

    Feedback was provided.
    —DSH

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  2. davidbdale says:

    bj112295, I don’t seem to be able to discourage you from using the 2nd person form of address. You spend your entire 2nd paragraph writing from your personal 1st person point of viewer directly at African American women who you address as: you. It’s possible I should make an exception in your case, since this is clearly your preferred mode of communication.

    If we decide on this course of action, you’ll have to be consistent throughout your essay. Your voice will have to be clear in everything you write, and you’ll have to address your readers directly in every paragraph.

    Would you be more comfortable with that technique? It would permit you, for example, to say, in your long second paragraph here:

    It is confusing and ridiculous to me that a whole race of beautiful different shades of women varying from mahogany to dark chocolate, who have fought for almost 300 years for freedom and equality to be who you are, would buy and use a product that helps you adopt the standard look of our past oppressors. Many black women who could have long beautiful hair, curls of gold we may say, treat your hair with relaxer which in the end ruins your hair completely. The FDA clearly lists the dangers of hair relaxers and still you them. Sodium hydroxide, a common drain cleaner, is the most prominent chemical used in this product. Why would you use this stuff in your hair? It’s designed to dissolve hair clumps in your plumbing!

    Most of what I’ve highlighted here comes directly from your own paragraph. I’ve only made the voice more consistent, and included a couple of first person plural (we) uses. I think you’ll have to include yourself in the discussion of race in order to make this change effective.

    What do you think? Does it sound like a good idea?
    Reply, please.

    Of course, considering the lateness of this feedback, I won’t expect you to post your Rebuttal Rewrite on NOV 20. Take a few extra days to absorb and incorporate these notes into your Rewrite.

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