Causal Argument–Douglasadams525

How the Mormons Anger the Jews

While not necessarily a prerequisite, religion can often lead to an individual belief in humanist philosophy.  This is particularly evident in the case of Christian believers, many of whom dedicate their lives to missionary work or leading others down what they are convinced is the path to salvation.  Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are no exception to this practice; arguably, their desire to save everyone’s soul is stronger than that of any other sect—Mormons are so determined to save the damned that they will not even stop after life ends.  The Mormon Church’s beliefs are unique in that they will graciously allow a soul to be saved even after a person has died, by performing a post-mortem baptism (by proxy—the Church is too respectful to baptize a cadaver) for a deceased individual.  Furthermore, in a truly heartwarming display of kindness and religious tolerance, the Mormons will even posthumously baptize individuals who were not Mormons during their time on Earth.  Surprisingly, this heartwarming practice is not generally well-received.  In fact, as a nearly direct result of the Mormons’ kindness, a monstrously disrespectful and snarky website was created, claiming that dead Mormons could be converted to homosexuality.

The Mormon Church chooses to allow all souls to be saved because of its admirably intense desire for every person to meet Heavenly Father in the Celestial Kingdom.  Anyone with an ounce of logic can certainly conclude that the souls of the dead most certainly fall under the category of “all” souls—indeed, the Catholic Church recognizes November 2nd as All Souls Day, and acknowledges the souls of those who have died.  Not unlike other Christian sects, however, Mormons also believe that a soul can only be saved after it is baptized.  While many post-mortem baptisms performed by the Church are for dead relatives of living Mormons, the Church also frequently disregards the deceased’s religion, and does things such as posthumously baptize holocaust victims.

Naturally, since many people have been born and died during the existence of humanity—many of whom have not been Mormons—and because many people alive today are currently not Mormons, the Church has a lot of baptisms to catch up on before all souls have been saved.  Rather than waiting for these latter individuals to kick the bucket, the Church graciously and efficiently disregards the non-Mormon’s religion, and baptizes them by proxy anyway.  However, because of the Mormons’ immense respect for the souls of all people, a proxy baptism (regardless of post- or pre-mortem status) does not automatically guarantee a conversion of the baptized person’s soul—the soul of the individual must choose to convert or not.  As such, more baptisms does not necessarily result in more Mormons.  Because of the resulting uncertainty of the soul’s religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints generously allows all souls as many opportunities for salvation as necessary—one such example of this practice is Anne Frank, who was baptized at least nine times after her death in 1945.

While the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has exhibited an enormous and truly heartwarming display of religious tolerance and inclusion by trying to save as many people as possible, few have proven themselves to be as bigoted and disrespectful of others’ religions as the Jews.  Instead of appreciation for the Mormon’s tender display of love for humanity, many members of the Jewish faith have spoken out against the Mormon faith as a direct result of misunderstanding the message behind posthumous baptisms, as well as a lack of willingness to tolerate the beliefs of another religion.  One might think that after being subjected to unspeakable acts of cruelty on the basis of religion, Jewish individuals might be more willing to appreciate messages of love and tolerance from other religions.  However, the sad reality is that because of an outrage resulting from a simple misunderstanding, one half-Jewish individual (who, it is worth noting, was not baptized by the Mormon Church) has gone so far as to create a terribly disrespectful website, titled alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com.  According to the website, “Sadly, many Mormons throughout history have died without having known the joys of homosexuality.  With your help, these poor souls can be saved.  Simply enter the name of a dead Mormon in the form below and click Convert!  Presto, they’re gay for eternity.  There is no undo.”  These disrespectful antics force innocent Mormons to be subjected to actions which their religion specifically forbids—according to Mormon.org, “If they [homosexual Mormons] violate the law of chastity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are.”  Tragically, the Jews are quick to forget their own religious persecution, and have subjected as many dead Mormons as they can to discrimination based on religion through this website.

To summarize, the belief in the possibility of posthumous/proxy baptism by Mormons is a direct result of the desire for universal salvation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  However, because of respect for religious tolerance, the practice of post- or pre-mortem baptism does not guarantee a conversion of the soul.  Because of an unwillingness to understand and respect foreign religions, however, the Jews have vindictively subjected dead Mormons to a lifestyle that is strictly forbidden by Mormon doctrine, persecuting all dead Mormons on the basis of religion, much like their own ancestors were sought out against.  Simultaneously, the Jews’ irrational anger has lead them to imply that homosexuality is a choice, but that particular detail will not be further explored at this time—after all, the gay community has faced enough discrimination up to this point as it is, and also is not particularly relevant.  The vitriolic actions of members of the Jewish faith following the well-intentioned acts of kindness by the Mormons ultimately lead to the age-old question: can’t we all just get along?

Sources:

Why do Mormons perform baptisms for the dead?

Jews Take Issue with Posthumous Baptisms

All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay (NEW SOURCE)

What is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ attitude regarding homosexuality and same sex marriage? (NEW SOURCE)

Why do Mormons baptize people after they’re dead and how do they do it?

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2 Responses to Causal Argument–Douglasadams525

  1. douglasadams525 says:

    Feedback was requested.

    Feedback provided.
    Causal Notes at Causal Argument Advice FA15.
    —DSH

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    Causal Notes at Causal Argument Advice FA15.
    —DSH

    Additional notes:
    P1. The reference to humanist philosophy is extremely misleading. Introductions need to guide us toward the point, not detour us before we start. On the other hand, the reference to missionary work is EXACTLY right. Baptizing the dead is a most audacious missionary act.

    P2. Doesn’t have the punch it should. The early sentences about acknowledging souls are valid and useful, but don’t lead to counterintuitivity of the baptizing of Jews. It’s also important to remember that non-Jews perished in the holocaust, and no equation should say otherwise.

    P3. Your first two very long sentences first ornately repeat that Mormons baptize the dead, and then claims that they baptize also living non-Mormons. I had to read it repeatedly to discover that that’s all it says. Since you want to say it amusingly, could I suggest that you tease them about their zeal? “As if they didn’t already have their hands full baptizing the dead, the generous Mormons are also keen to baptize the living, Mormon or not, with or without their permission.”

    P4. I’m missing the cause of these effects, DA. Can you suggest how these proxy baptisms benefit the living Mormons who perform them? Even purely selfless acts, if there be such, affect the actors. Ask not “why do they do it?” but “for what do they do it?”

    Not to mention, you’ve crossed the line either to pure sarcasm here or pure satire. If it’s satire you’re after, you’ll have to invent alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com for yourself. The creator of that website got there first. Pretending that its creator has misunderstood Mormon generosity can only be sarcastic. Of the two, it is not the better brother.

    P5. Is it funny? Sure. Is its comedy pure? Not for this reader. It proposes entirely irrationally that clicking on a website alters the sexuality of a decedent. That nicely parallels the Mormon claim that post-mortem proxy procedures can change the salvation status of a dead soul, but in making a claim as outrageous as theirs you sound yourself as ridiculous as the targets of your satire. Is it dangerous? Oh yeah. It dares other authors to quote it out of context to make you sound quite hateful.

    I promise I get the joke, but I can’t endorse its telling in this version. I do applaud your ambition.

    Like

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