E10: But Enough About You

Exercise: Remove 2nd person language

Money seems to have a big role in our society; you can’t do much or get far if you don’t have any. Money is valuable in different ways, even when you don’t see it physically. In today’s society you must have faith in the government, in the banking system, that your money is being handled with in the proper manner, if not then you would be hiding all of your money under your mattress, or around your house. I never really have a clue what happens in the banks, and how they take care of your money. I always just thought money was quite simple; you either have some or you don’t, that’s it. However, by being introduced to this assignment and having it compare the Yap Fei with the US and France gold trade in 1933, and the Brazilian cruzeros all seemed somewhat similar. No one actually sees their money being transferred. When you get paid, you don’t get a check or get paid even in cash, it’s all directly transferred to your bank account, and that you just have to trust that you got more money.

The First Sentence can be revised a number of ways.

Original Text
Money seems to have a big role in our society; you can’t do much or get far if you don’t have any.

Replace with First Person
Money seems to have a big role in our society; we can’t do much or get far if we don’t have any.

Convert Active Verbs to Passive Verbs
Money has such a big role in our society that not much gets done without it.

Replace Pronouns with nouns
The rich gets things done in our society while the poor are powerless.

Eliminate People
Money
, without which nothing gets done, drives our society.

In-Class Instructions

Open a New Post titled “E10-Username”
Copy and paste the above text into your post.
Edit it to remove all 2nd-person language.
Then make the most elegant additional edits you can.
Publish in two categories: E10 and Username.

Then open any of your own posts that require editing and spend the rest of the period making improvements to your own work.

About davidbdale

Inventor of and sole practitioner of 299-word Very Short Novels. www.davidbdale.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in davidbdale, E10: Enough About You, Professor Post, Writing Help. Bookmark the permalink.

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