Summaries – tpaz1

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/09/lenders-vet-borrowers-social-media-facebook

It seems counter-intuitive that social media networks people use today can put themselves in a financial issue, when it comes to loans. Social media networks have became a world wide use, when trying to find information on someone else such as a friend, family, anyone. These days loan lenders have began to use social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and linkedIn as a new form of information data to determine the credit worthiness of loan applicants. Many U.S based lenders for an example, LendUp, which is based out of San Francisco checks Facebook and Twitter profiles of potential borrowers to see the number of friends they have and how often they interact with others through the site. The company LendUP views an active social media life as an indicator of stability. Other companies especially international lenders use similar tactics like ones in the U.S. Lenddo loan company denies credit to applicants, who are Facebook friends with someone who was late or didn’t repay a Lenddo loan. The problem that many consumer advocates believe is applicants can be subject to unfair and discriminatory decisions by lenders.

http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-02-04/vancouver-combats-heroin-giving-its-addicts-best-smack-world

It seems counterintuitive to help heroin addicts recover by giving them free and pure heroin to better their addiction. Vancouver is a port town, which mean its a hub for drugs by boat from the pacific, including heroin. Vancouver has set up a safe zone called, Insite, where addicts can shoot up under supervision of a nurse without having to deal with any law-enforcements. We tend to believe that in order to help any kind of addict, we must have to make them not want to do their addiction anymore, but Vancouver believes we should give them their drug as a form of treatment.

Link to 2nd article: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/11/vancouver-experiments-with-prescription-heroin/383086/

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2011/10/ringling-bros-elephant-abuse

It seems counterintuitive to enjoy a circus show of elephants or to enjoy riding one but it can be animal abuse, when viewed under a different light. In the Jacksonville Coliseum a circus show comes on in the afternoon and evening with performances of elephants doing aerobic tricks and stunts. Kenny, a 3 year old elephant, who performs in the Coliseum showed signs of sickness during his performance, such as slow movements, missed choreography, and ab-normal noises. After Kenny’s afternoon show he developed diarrhea  and began bleeding from his bottom. After his next evening show an attendant found Kenny’s bloodied body across the concrete floor. Consequences were later faced to the Ringling Bros, the ones who operate and care for all animals in their show. For years animal rights organizations had been releasing videos showing Ringling trainers abusing elephants, but USDA investigations never produced evidence to shut them down. Ringling Bros are a successful circus show that thousands come to see, but many of the audience doesn’t see what happens to those elephants behind the curtains.

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2 Responses to Summaries – tpaz1

  1. tpaz1 says:

    Feedback was requested.

    Feedback provided.
    —DSH

    Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    Hey, tpaz, let’s finally get to this.
    Lenders Social Media.
    May I first say that you will continue to get in your own way if you try to make your writing sound academic. Some students have a natural academic voice; others are better served by adopting a lean, informal style that is direct and unadorned. Pick your true subject and your most active verb and let the natural strength of that pairing do most of the work of communicating.
    Not:

    It seems counter-intuitive that social media networks people use today can put themselves in a financial issue, when it comes to loans. Social media networks have became a world wide use, when trying to find information on someone else such as a friend, family, anyone.

    But instead:

    It is counterintuitive that using facebook can make a borrower seem like a bad risk to a bank. Social media networks use is indispensable for communicating with friends and family.

    Do you see the improvement?
    If you adopt the second version, then your third sentence is completely redundant:

    These days loan lenders have began to use social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and linkedIn as a new form of information data to determine the credit worthiness of loan applicants.

    and should therefore be eliminated.

    Next in this series of improvements, you can combine the two sentences about LendUp. Not:

    Many U.S based lenders for an example, LendUp, which is based out of San Francisco checks Facebook and Twitter profiles of potential borrowers to see the number of friends they have and how often they interact with others through the site. The company LendUP views an active social media life as an indicator of stability.

    But instead:

    San Francisco-based lender LendUp, considers an active Facebook and Twitter social media life an indicator of stability and therefore a plus for prospective borrowers.

    Smoothly transition from that positive to the negative. Not:

    Other companies especially international lenders use similar tactics like ones in the U.S. Lenddo loan company denies credit to applicants, who are Facebook friends with someone who was late or didn’t repay a Lenddo loan.

    But instead:

    But not all “friends” are equal. Lenddo denies credit to applicants whose Facebook friends default on Lenddo loans (or are even late!).

    Always on the lookout for the true subject and the most active verb, you want NOT:

    The problem that many consumer advocates believe is applicants can be subject to unfair and discriminatory decisions by lenders.

    But instead:

    Consumer advocates object that lenders discriminate against applicants merely for associating with bad credit risks.

    Now, let’s put the pieces together with good transitions:

    Today, when social media networks are indispensable for communicating with friends and family, it seems counterintuitive that using facebook can make a borrower seem like a bad risk to a bank, but not all “friends” are equal to a lender. San Francisco-based lender LendUp considers an active Facebook and Twitter social media life an indicator of stability and therefore a plus for prospective borrowers. On the other hand, Lenddo denies credit to applicants whose Facebook friends default on Lenddo loans (or are even late!). Consumer advocates object that lenders are discriminating when they deny loans to applicants who merely associate with bad credit risks.

    I hope you find that helpful, tpaz, and not just bullying. I don’t want to dictate your writing style, just model a technique that depends only on clear thinking and simple writing (always the best approach).

    Reply, please.

    Like

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