purposeful summaries- HaveAnElephantasticDay

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2011/10/ringling-bros-elephant-abuse

It seems counter-intuitive that circuses are taking majestic and docile creature out of their natural habitat and exposing them to disease. Elephants are currently on the list of endangered species and circuses are doing very little when it comes to proper care and maintenance. more often than not, the elephants are being transported in train box cars. they’ve been known to be crammed up and chained for up to 70 hours.

These large beautiful animals are developing diseases like tuberculosis and herpes. Diseases which have been linked to captivity. Only after an elephant begins to perform insufficiently do the trainers seek veterinary assistance.

http://www.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/01/portraits-elderly-animals

It seems counter-intuitive that a women who doesn’t wish to photograph elderly people finds peace in photographing elderly animals. A photographer who decided to avoid photographing her family was able to begin a project that focused on photographing elderly animals. One must wonder why she is able to take pictures of these old feeble animals who look so close to death but she wasn’t able to take picture of the people who gave her life.

http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2012/08/men-defining-rape-history

It seems counter-intuitive that there is such a concept as “forcible rape”. It also seems counter-intuitive that men are the ones determining what constitutes rape. It is any form of contact not desired by both parties involved. Without consent it is rape. Why is it that in over hundreds of years, we have made minimal progress in avoiding rape and punishing it to the fullest extent of the law.

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I'm short and awkward and I love America more than any 20 year old girl should.
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1 Response to purposeful summaries- HaveAnElephantasticDay

  1. davidbdale says:

    Hello, haveanelephantasticday!
    Summary 1. Don’t hyphenate counterintuitive.
    Avoid the phrases “when it comes to” and “with regard to” and “in reference to,” and even the word “regarding,” when they can easily be avoided. For example:
    NOT: Circuses are doing very little when it comes to proper care and maintenance.
    INSTEAD: Circuses are doing very little to provide proper care and maintenance.
    OR: Circuses and not properly caring for their elephants.

    Replace fragments with sentences.
    NOT: These large beautiful animals are developing diseases like tuberculosis and herpes. Diseases which have been linked to captivity.
    BUT: These large beautiful animals are developing tuberculosis and herpes, which have been linked to captivity.

    Could you also claim that it’s counterintuitive for circuses that employ elephants purely for profit would take such poor care of them that they develop deadly illnesses that threaten and sometimes end their performing careers?

    Summary 2. Yes, one does ask. What’s your answer? You haven’t made an argument yet, so your summary has not yet paid off.

    Summary 3.
    I’m pretty sure I told you earlier that the period ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks. What I meant was that the period ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks.

    Here again, you haven’t made use of your summary to prove a point. Replace your rhetorical “Why is it” sentence with a bold clear claim. You’ve been hinting that allowing men to define rape favors the male interpretation of what constitutes consent. Put two and two together.

    Helpful?

    Like

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